| Philosophy |
[Jan. 24th, 2010|07:23 pm] |
So i'm studying Philosophy and have been learning about "my higher self" which I suppose I've always thought as the goody-two shoes voice in my head - come on, be realistic - if you've read any of the previous journals you'd know that i'm still a shade off of insane but either its being proven that its not really insanity or that there are quite a lot of us banding together and who are out to help the rest of you all come into the light of our insanity with us... hahah. Oh yeah, i'm kinda not joking.
Anyway. I'm doing really well in Philosophy class and I (am so not humble and) think that I'm getting the message and actually understanding what our teacher is trying to say and get us to do. Its pretty darn hard, because quite a lot of it is the polite common sense that should be available to all people, but just isnt - and because they dont use it, then we can justify ourselves when we decide to be lazy and let ourselves get away with not doing what is right because its easier.
And because of these kinds of things, my life has been steadily getting tougher and tougher to let myself get away with things... eg, the wicked (and by that I mean "morally bad in principle") power that I have of getting people to do what I want so that it suits me, as opposed to letting them do what they want, or helping them to do what they want. *sigh*
I'm having huge issues at the moment with B and his ex, as they're still friends, and I dont mean "lets all get together and have a barbeque" kind of friends, but the kind who can get away with visiting early in the morning before the other is OUT OF BED and getting them up and then spending two hours or so talking about anything/nothing. Grrr... I'm finding it hard to convince myself that being BEST friends with your ex doesnt mean much more than being friends. Right? Or am I being naive?
The part of me that knows that the only thing my past relationships have in common is me states that I AM being naive and that this is a relationship that should be assisted in ending if I wish to keep my sanity. lol.
Well, not so lol, more like, *whimper* and hide under the covers.
Obviously i'm not coping too well because it took ALL of my willpower to not beg B to tell me that he'll still be mine when he comes back, because 1) ownership of another is bad, 2) thats just pathetic. and I mean PATHETIC, 3) I dont actually think its a promise he could keep if the situation actually arose where he would need to think about my promise
Yuck.
Anyway.
My teacher has mentioned that she is going to be holding a presentation and will be seeing people at it so that they can learn if they are interested in joining Philosophy and I know of two people who really are interested and im (almost) dying to see if it would be good for them and whether they would actually come to classes.
I've volunteered my services as an "invisible hostess" (my words - hahaha) to help those who come, eg, take coats, get people seated, ask if they want something to drink or snack on etc and generally make sure that they feel comfortable.
I'm extremely excited about it.
I feel like my teacher is a culmination of all of the good parts that i've read in these 101 self help books that i've read about "finding the inner child", "empathy, not sympathy", "when its just not right..." etc (those arent real book titles, just something to give you an idea).
I wish that I could actually write about what we learn in class, but I know that (as always with me) in the retelling it will be lost. *sigh*
She teaches of the good inside people and shows us the things that we need to work around or get rid of so that we can be more of this good inner person... like, well, I understand that I need things - everyone needs things, but how much of what and when and do I need 10 spares just in case one breaks?
I've also been learning the importance of names, in particular, mine. The first time that I met my teacher, she talked to me about the principles of the Philosophy that she teaches and then told of how a name influences a person and then she told me about how my names (first and last) influence me.
To say I was shocked is mildly understating it. Hahha.
The other thing that she said was that with the importance of names that (basically) I was in dangerous grounds because of all of the nicknames that I have to different groups of people - Dee to my family, workmates and friends at the mountain, Dally to my outer family, Dee-dee to my mum, Melza to those I knew in highschool and my full name whenever I do business or official stuff.
And so with some advice on what names have what relevance to what i'd like to do with my life... i'm seriously (absolutely SERIOUSLY) considering changing my name. And not just the first one, but all of them.
Wow. That was kinda strange to add to my journal. hahahaha.
What I find really entertaining is that I keep thinking, "sheesh, gonna have to change all of my online accounts to a different name... wow. thats gonna be a lot of work. Passports, Drivers licences, birth certificate, thats easy, but changing my name everywhere online... golly gees - thats gonna take some time."
Its been really interesting with the little that I have "picked up" about names and how they influence and then seeing how true this is with EVERYONE that I know - of course, it shouldnt be used like fortune telling, but for my own learning purpose its been extremely interesting to be able to see the little things.
For instance, my mother has unofficially dropped her first name and has been using her middle name, which when I asked her, she said "I'm so happy to be rid of that name - it caused me nothing but trouble" which I would say is because it had a different purpose to what she was doing with her life.
Another thing that surprises me is that my teacher will say things and in my head my mind goes "but thats what mum said when I was little" and I turn to look at the other students and they have this look of awe, like they've never heard anything like it before. And I've had this so many times that i've had to say "honestly, my mum taught me these things when I was little, and I thought everyone knew it."
Like, think of how whatever your going to do is going to affect others before you do it, eg, if you know someone who's relative has died - think of what they will take from what you do, eg, is it right to just send flowers - should you go as well, and then on your own or with someone else? How long should you stay - will any of this be appreciated or would they prefer the solitude of their own company to get through it?
Oh but im blathering.
So i'm going to run a bath, go downstairs, make some food, then come back up, hop in the bath, and then read my book.
( Ooooohhhh.... last thought for the day. ) |
|
|
| Of headaches and Avatar |
[Jan. 11th, 2010|11:15 am] |
I had a headache for the last 36 hours, but THANKFULLY... upon waking this morning it was gone. Yay!
Been to see Avatar in 3d three times so far! I do really like that movie. Cant wait to buy it.
I've been studying philosophy privately at this nice ladys house. Its very interesting. |
|
|
| Knitting insanity! |
[Dec. 28th, 2009|03:30 pm] |
So I led my first knitting class today! Haha. It was great, there were three ladies and two small people. And we managed to learn enough to knit a few rows... HAHAHAHA Ahhh, so funny!
One of them though was a person after my own heart... she decided that after a few rows (shes knitted before) that she wanted to tackle knitting socks, so I've taught her how to do the magic loop thing and I gave her my number so that she can call me and ask for more help, also told her that she can find the info on Youtube, so hopefully she gets a good lot of it done... which reminds me that i've still not finished B's socks.... whooopppsss... well, he cant expect otherwise seeing as he's been occupying all of my time!
Anyway. Its Miriams birthday today and I feel that little bit of guilt as I dont have/didnt give her a present, so will just have nice thoughts for her instead... oh yeah, and its your birthday here tomorrow Miriam! |
|
|
| Strange things |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|07:24 pm] |
One of the things that I find absolutely strange is that i've been able to be more like me in this place where people dont know who I am, then I have in any other place i've been, especially with the people who know me. (not including you Miriam!)
I guess it really all stems back to when I went crazy, broke up with my boyfriend even though it was only small issues, then handed in my notice, gave up all of my stuff, and moved to the snow.
And ever since then i've been trying to find what makes me happy. Not the dependent-on-someone-else kind of happiness, but the kind I can find on my own thats just kind of pure of thought. And I found a slice of it with skiing, but under the issue of trying to find what makes me happy is the deeper issue (*unsubscribe me - i'm not interested in your issues - mwahahaha*) that i'm looking for me. And obviously not in the physical sense *rolls eyes*. I'm looking for why, who, where....
For instance, out of three children who were brought up by the same parents im completely different. And I know, all people have the chance to be different, but this much?
*shrug*
Anyway. I've been having some really good, long chats with the lady who im staying with and its been so incredibly insightful, its just a little hard to believe at times. I leave her place with my mind whirling, which for me is a fairly rare state... theres not too much I havent tried or tried to think of or read. hahah. OK, im sure there is, but compared to most of the people that i've met, it sure feels like that!
The other thing I appreciate soooo much is that i've fallen in with some people who ACTUALLY appreciate and understand honesty. Its so hard in this day and age to find people who can take honesty and not get all worked up because you're not 100% socially polite/correct.
And its, well, strange is not the word that I want to use, but its really different with me and the guy that im seeing because I only have to say a few words and he knows the rest of what i want to say. As I explained it to him, its like having this stranger come in and look through your underwear drawer... he just comes out with things that IM THINKING. hahaha. the theoretical/logical side of my brain says that its a combination of understanding from previous conversations, the conversations leading up to it and also the body language that allow a person to "guess" what the other is going to say or think.
I just cant really explain it well enough. The way we are together is more like we've known each other for years than just for two and a half weeks.
I think the closest thing to explain it would be like if you made a kaleidoscope - so you know all the pieces that its made out of and all of the pieces inside it, and yet once its completed every time you turn it, theres a different picture inside made up of the same pieces and thats what he looks like inside to me.
ooohhh and there I go, I think i've hit even my airy, fairy limit. |
|
|
| Yoga |
[Dec. 18th, 2009|11:38 am] |
|
I've now been to two yoga classes, and have had a wonderful time. I cant wait to go skiing! |
|
|
| Supporting group meeting |
[Dec. 10th, 2009|11:33 pm] |
I attended a meeting tonight to help the local community who are trying to keep the name of their town instead of having it changed to a nearby locale, eg, Instead of having Waitakere, just being called West Auckland.
I would say the name, but for their privacy I thought they might not want to be mentioned in my insane journal.
It was quite interesting, I took a lot of photos and actually helped with handing out pamphlets and giving stickers to people. I met two really nice older gentlemen who of all amazingness were in their 70's when they actually looked more like 55.
So. About the guy. Well, he's 25 (26 next month! Thank goodness). Haha! See, im NOT a cradle snatcher...
He seems to really understand me, or at least fakes it fairly well! Haha - no, he's not the sort of person to be artificial like that. Its only been a week, but feels like always - like it does when you really click with a person - sheesh. He even OWNS a copy of Children of Dune. A three part movie that i've watched not nearly enough times (lets say about 10 times - after all, it is a THREE part).
We had pizza and mango gelato tonight which was really nice. Haha. He asked if he could read my journal, and I said if he could find it he could and he did! ROTFLMAO.
Yes, Miriam, feel free to cringe or laugh, whichever comes first, but I think its hilarious.
Anyway, I think I need to do a little damage control - I did warn him that EVERYTHING is in my journal and (I think) he's feeling a little out of sorts... *ahem* |
|
|
| How my life goes crazy |
[Dec. 7th, 2009|11:24 pm] |
I met a guy.
End of post.
Hahhahahaha.
Actually, I will write more.
He's kind of strange, but in the same way that im kind (or a lot) of strange.
He has really interesting ideas which are really similar to the kind of things that I come up with.
He likes to watch the same shows that I do.
He...
... He likes me. |
|
|
| Writing |
[Dec. 2nd, 2009|02:22 pm] |
Only read this if youre dead bored. Just a randomized entry! lol
I've decided that as soon as I get my second pay (of course AFTER I get a job) i'm going to buy one of those little laptop notebook things that only cost $300.
And then im going to write a novel and sell it for peanuts, become famous, write another novel and get paid megabucks and live happily ever after.
LOL
anyway.
I am going to buy the notebook and write. I really feel like writing, but the pc at the neighbours house that im allowed to use (nobodys home for another two weeks there) is super slow and if I write I get cramp in the finger that I broke - I dont know if cramp is the right word as it was a hairline fracture that split left to right down halfway through my finger and then a cm from one side of it to the other - sort of in a very wide T.
Well. look at me ramble.
I've been doing a lot of reading and knitting:
Knitting score:
one set of mittens and a matching hat
a hat and a matching neckwarmer and a pair of knitted slippers
and am currently working on a scarf
Well, going to go and get some more books as I am currently IN the library! Yay for free internet. |
|
|
| Living in Canadia |
[Nov. 30th, 2009|09:05 am] |
So i'm still living in Canadia (haha), havent validated my visa yet, but will most likely go down to the border this week, get it done and then go on a super blitz and GET myself a J O B!
And thus would end my month long bliss of "nothing in particular" to do.
*sigh*
In the last two years I have only worked 19 months. Why? Well, I take a month of at each end of the winter season (Apr-May, Nov-Dec) and then a few weeks of during winter and a few weeks off during summer. Its a brilliant life. This way I get a good amount of downtime to combat the crazy hours that I work - eg, in one week of the school holidays I worked 75 hours. Yup. I didnt take a day off, instead I took two middles of the day off - eg, 5 hours during the middle of the day and then again. It was voluntary - if i'd really wanted to have my day off (Wednesday), I could have chosen to stay in bed or gone skiing instead of getting ready at the same time as usual and rocking into work like the diehard that I am. Haha. Of course, part of it was the look of relief on some of my workmates faces when I came in and they knew they wouldnt have to deal with this shithead crap of a family that we knew were coming in. LOL.
Anyway. Back to here. I've knitted a pair of light purple ballet slippers - well, they're slippers but more ballet style then nana-style. A tuke (beanie) and am working on a scarf which is taking a little longer than usual as I'm knitting lace into it - its going to be a work of art. It has "seaweed" in it. Haha. I'm knitting little holes in wavy vertical patterns to make it look like seaweed.
Woke up this morning to the sound of a text message - one of Alisens nephews has invited me to join his friends (im guessing he may be gay and they're all girls) to go and see New Moon. YAY! Okay. I said it. I admit it. I like cheesy vampire romance.
*harumpphh*
I had an awful thought about this guy that I like... cos I think he NOW has a girlfriend...
"Sweetheart, he's not your boyfriend... its just your turn"
LMAO. OMG. I almost rolled on the floor laughing when I thought of it. I know. Its awful. Its terrible, but truly its a joke that i've heard guys use about girls - shes not your girlfriend... and it just seems incredibly funny to turn it around to use on a guy.
Anyway. *rolls eyes*
I'm being brainwashed by mmtop10 - a music tv channel. I almost like Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. *shudders*
Its about 5 degrees c here and its really, really windy - I keep expecting to hear cracks of thunder and rain, but the only clouds here are snow clouds sitting on the mountains... YESSSS!!!
Well, i'm planning on trading in some of the books that i've read for something new to read - ciao! |
|
|
| Westbank, BC |
[Nov. 14th, 2009|09:22 am] |
I've settled in a town called Westbank in British Columbia in Canada. Its quite nice, the place is as big as Albany in Auckland and better yet, I live one block from the main street, three blocks from the shopping centres (yes, that was pluralised), and where I live is a farmlet with an orchard outside my doorstep. I love it here.
I have an open plan self contained cottage which I think is fantastic! Some people insist on having more rooms, but whats wrong with doing it all in the same room? Well, except for the bathroom - thats a separate room! haha
So far since i've been here I have taken on some chores (so that my accomodation is free) including looking after the chickens, collecting their eggs and washing them then boxing them. Painting the ceiling in my cottage, reupholstering Alisen's couches (the lady who owns the place and lives here too) and miscellaneous other things. I've also taken a bus to Kelowna, the nearest city, and managed to get away with using one transfer ticket to go there and back! Bonus!!!
I've also volunteered for the telemark club and have been helping them do passes and will go on monday again to help.
I had a nice sleep in today, well, thats kind of a fib, I woke up at 5am *ahem* and stayed awake for an hour and then slept for an hour, then woke again and read in bed until 8.45am. So for me it was a lie in as I didnt get out of bed at 7am like I normally do.
Have I mentioned that I really like it here? As Alisen's mother is away on tour, i'm allowed to go to Sheilas house and use the internet whenever I want, and as i'm no longer addicted to it :p (miriam!) it doesnt bother me at all that I dont have it in my cottage. Besides the fact that I dont have a laptop anyway!
My neighbour is in the RCMP (Police) and is quite cute. Haha. There I said it. Yep. I've been checking out the neighbour. hahahahaha.
Well, I did meet him on Thursday and that same day he then made me lunch and we ate together. *ahem* *blush* lol
Anyway, I'm going to go back to my little cottage and play with my fimo, make beads and stuff so that I have enough to back in the oven.
Peace out!
Oh, did I mention that life is extremely good, it snowed here yesterday and some of the ski fields open today?!?!?1 |
|
|
| Auckland to Brisbane |
[Oct. 30th, 2009|08:01 am] |
I've successfully made it to Brisbane and even arrived 20 minutes early due to good weather! Haha. So I now have three hours to kick around the Brisbane airport... weehaa!
House of Shem were on the same plane as me which was kinda cool. Even if i'm not a gigantic fan... |
|
|
| Auckland |
[Oct. 29th, 2009|01:00 pm] |
Sitting in the Remuera library, have sorted out my finances, and got a travellers card as well as US cash including ONE dollar bills... how quaint. I'm so terribly excited, nervous, terrified, delighted... gah! The whole range of emotions really. And now to have my passport photo taken for my canadian working visa to be done.
Also, I purchased a blackberry online brandnew for $130 NZD - how stoked am I? |
|
|
| Its always an update! |
[Oct. 25th, 2009|09:38 am] |
So according to LJ its been 7 weeks since i've updated my journal... tsk tsk!
I've skiied 39 days so far this season and i'm aiming for 40 - was originally 50 but I have been sick for about three weeks in total this season and have outright refused to get on the snow if i've been sick.
I'm off on my first official OE this coming Friday with my first stop in the HUGE Los Angeles, and then onwards along the coast to Vancouver, stopping wherever I want to... i've pretty much decided that i'm going to travel by train at night to kill two birds with one stone... 1) travel to the next destination and 2) somewhere to sleep!
Haha.
I'm coming back to Natty P again next season so that small part of me that ACTUALLY craves stability is partially soothed by this.
I've been a lot happier lately as I think i've finally grown into being me... i'm not so worried although time about what i'm going to do, who i'm going to be, what others think about who I am etc, and to be honest it's kind of a relief.
Well, I should be working at the moment ordering next seasons stock for the store, so although it is tough work, it is still pretty awesome.
Watch this space - I promise to update when I hit LAX! |
|
|
| Me |
[Aug. 30th, 2009|10:13 pm] |
So I noticed (upon looking through my DA gallery) that I really have stopped reflecting on the world around me and have spent a lot of time looking at whats happening inside me - well, in my head as opposed to ignoring it and then just letting mini-crisis attack me.
Must get my camera out and take more photos of whats around me so that when im old and grey, or even just young and senile - i'll have someone point out things to me!
Also. Theres this guy I like. Not that anything can come of it, as im going to Canada. But still. I like him. :P |
|
|
| Some days are longer than a week |
[Aug. 23rd, 2009|09:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Lunascape - Shimmering Sun | ] |
Lets start with the good things and LJ-Cut the other things...
I love skiing, but dont like snowboarding. I love my new bachelor(ette) pad (i'm sure ive said this in the last three entries - oh well!)
Friends have been and visited, even skiied with me - life is relatively good.
( Other things ) |
|
|
| Boys |
[Aug. 15th, 2009|01:26 am] |
So im not doing very well at NOT obsessing over guys - when I say guys I mean, one guy at a time.
Thou shalt not commit internet stalkery
Thou shalt refrain from texting thees friends in the hopes of hearing about them
the list goes on.
Anyway. Back to playing games on the internet with the current, ermm... object of my attention. |
|
|
| Dancing and flatmates |
[Aug. 14th, 2009|02:58 am] |
So we went out dancing tonight which was a lot of fun, but I think my flatmate broke my puppy dog :( lol. By that I mean one of my recent toy boys - she flirted with him and then he thought it was all good, and it really wasnt... poor thing.
Im sure i'll say it a lot in the next few entries or so, but I really do like my new house and I really do like my new flatmate. Shes cool, awesome and we get along well. Our bosses were worried as we both talk alot and are similar personalities that we might clash, but the only thing I could see us doing which would be a little bad would be to storm into our rooms, slam the door, then come out again and tell each other how pissed off we are and why and how much the other person sucks because of it.
Anyway. Still feel bad about the puppy dog even though that was like more than an hour ago now. :( I even considered taking pity on him and inviting him home with me... oh well. |
|
|
| Just an update |
[Aug. 12th, 2009|09:37 am] |
So i've been skiing a few more days since I last wrote, and would have to say that I'm definitely getting better, and i'm going up again today. I wonder how many ANDS I can fit in here? Hahahaha.
Anyway.
I have moved into my new house which I love, and have a new flatmate, which I too, love! Vicky is seriously awesome, even if she is only 17 :P haha - yeah, get sulky about it if you want, but I will be 10 years older than you Vicky in one month, so give an old lady a break.
My new place even has a spare room which we will use a lot - well, if we wash all of the manky smelling blankets and air it out, then put a heater in there!!!
I love my new room, it has TWO wardrobes. Like, talk about overkill! hahaha.
Well, as i'm currently skiving after checking and replying to work emails, I had better get back to it, as i'm actually doing useful stuff and waxing skis today - who would have thought that I would voluntarily enter the workshop?? Oh well.
Luv ya and leave ya...
in the words of Gossip Girl..
X O X O |
|
|
| Maturity and wisdom |
[Aug. 5th, 2009|09:00 am] |
I honestly thought that by the time I reached this age that I would have my life all sorted out and be all grown up. Actually if i'm brutally honest I thought i'd be a boring housewife with 2 children, and a mortgage.
Instead i'm working a low-paying (fun) job, and partying/skiing in the rest of the hours left to be awake.
It's been an interesting 12 months for me - what with being single and all. Its been quite lonely at times - without that special someone to share your every and any waking thought, nodoby to snuggle next to when its cold or the big, bad world feels like its breathing down your neck and you need somewhere to hide, and nobody who is instantly your "+1" to any events.
However... on the other hand... it has been really quite freeing to not have someone I have to talk to about any decisions I make, also not having to share the bed - I can sleep on either side and not get rolled back on to "my side".
I think if I was to have a personal developmental goal for the next year it would be to "not become so interested (obsessed) with things (guys)"
Haha. Anyway. Hoping to ski today and then finish work early. |
|
|
| Journal time! |
[Jul. 26th, 2009|07:46 pm] |
Dear Jake,
Haha. Its been awhile since i've written a "Dear Jake" entry.
Anyway.
So I had a great day on the mountain today - admittedly there could have been a few things that could have made it better, eg, I could have had my edges sharpened this morning so that when I tried to use my edges on the mountain they would have actually cut into the ice underneath the snow... but then again, it was a gorgeously blue sky day all day, so its not really worth feeling cranky about.
I did a run today with one of the Snow School Supervisors so that he could see whether i'd be wasting my time enrolling in the Level 1 Ski Instructors Course next month, and well, in my words he said that I dont absolutely suck, but need to work on my technique. I think part of it was that he made a comment about my skiing and then he did a couple of turns, and then watched me, and I made a great effort to correct what he had pointed out and he was suitably impressed (well, he gave that impression!)
And based on that, in two weeks time im going to book myself in to the instructing course which is four days long and costs $500 (or so).
I'm also going to sell my car soon-ish, as I dont really need one - can catch a ride from my mates into town and up the mountain - every one loves someone who pitches in with petrol money!!!
...
There's this guy... He's kinda cute, but kinda young looking, okay, he IS young (not TOO young though!). Nothing much may come of it - well, anything more than whats happened - (a couple of sleepovers).
Sometimes I dont get this boy/girl stuff. Whatever.
Got to head home and tell my flatmate im moving out in two weeks time, and cook myself some dinner, as I havent eaten at home in about a week. Maybe even sort through some of my crap and throw it out! |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
amethysteria's journal